"The River Wandle, an Urban gem meandering through suburbia from Colliers Wood to Wandsworth, an easy but exciting paddle, some moving water and a chance to slalom through the motley assortment of waterborne shopping trolleys, motorbikes, milk floats, car tyres, bedroom doors etc., culminating in a 700m journey thru a pitch dark tunnel under the Arndale Shopping Centre"

Well that's the theory, but on this particular trip things went wrong from the start !!!

We arrived at the Rugby Club in order to collect the trailer only to find that locals had ramroaded a car thru the wooden gates, smashing them in half and as a result the groundsman had shackled a heavy, muddy wrough iron plough to the gate.Undeterred we wrestled the plough out of the way and covered in mud headed off to meet the rest of the party.

En route the main A217 was closed off due to a bus crash and on the shuttle two lots of road works extended our absence to over an hour. We eventually arrived at Merton Abbey Mills to find our party supping hot drinks and surveying the fast moving waters with some trepidation. Overnight there had been torrential rain, flooding many of the local roads and it seemed this deluge was just about to make its way downstream.     Upon arrival our usual friendly rock was visible, against which we normally lodge boats whilst people get in. By the time we were getting into our boats this had long vanished underwater. Almost as soon as our boats hit the water we were sent spiralling off down the River, for Andy, Ian and Debbie this was their first river trip and it was to be a baptism of fire(well water actually). As we emerged from the second bridge Andy's boat shot past me, with Andy swimming along behind and not to be outdone Ian was also soon to have his first refeshing dip of the day. Gary, in his C1, went chasing off after Andy's boat and managed to rescue it about a mile downstream.

We continued along at a rate of knots and the combination of high water, low bridges and a very fast current ensured a regular supply of swimmers. As always, everyone mixed in and ensured swimmers and boats were rescued & reunited quickly.

There's a water pipe, in a short tunnel that normally we slide down a ramp and then limbo under, not this time. The approach to the tunnel was like a raging grade four rapid and the tunnel was obstructed by lots of debris, and so to the assault course !

Standing in the River we passed our boats to Gary who pushed  them under the almost submerged pipe and on to Darren. We all then climbed over the pipe and allowed Darren to help us back into our craft before being rocketed off downstream.

As we go thru Earlsfield the river is divided into two by a concrete wall, not today that wall having well and truly drowned.

The chaos really began however when we reached the small tunnels which precede their 700m elder brother.               Normally we just plop over the edge and sedately float along.

Today, Gary went first, only to discover there was a ferocious stopper which grabbed the back of his boat and sucked him backwards into it. Whilst Chris and I could see his head, arms, paddle etc constantly appearing and then disappearing we coulndt make out if he was signalling us to come down or to stop, or just playing at Jack in the Box, so down we went.    Chris went down first, crashed over the top of Gary's boat and ended up swimming down the tunnel. I went down into the right hand tunnel and the stopper grabbed the back of my boat and sucked me backwards until I was stuck almost vertical, rear end pinned in the water, front end pointing up at the tunnel roof. Various people crashed past me and continued off , in or out of boats, down the tunnel ahead

By this time, Chris had emerged from the tunnel, with her boat swimming well ahead and all she could hear was the roar of fast moving water coming from around the next corner (the main tunnel, but she did not know that). One by one we all appeared from the smaller tunnel only to be greeted by Chris sitting on a rock in the middle of the River, frantically yelling at us to GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, before we were swallowed by the monster downstream. Various bemused residents appeared from the local flats, having watched an assortment of boats and people floating downstream, and duly helped us out of the River.

Gary and Darren eventually appeared having been rescuing people caught out by the first of the tunnel monsters.

With eveybody safely off the raging River half of our boats and paddles had given up in disgust and made a quick swim away  towards the nearby River Thames and freedom from CAP !.

Gary and Darren chased after them, the first boat was horizontally pinned across the mouth of the main tunnel and the remainder at various points downstream. The plucky HOS had shot the 12ft Bell Weir and was merrily recirculating over and over again in the huge stopper at the bottom. Eventually it popped out and headed off at high speed. Darren shot the gnarly 12ft weir and chased the fast absconding boat eventually managing to recapture it on the far side of The Thames. All that remained then was to haul it up a slippery 20ft ladder !

An interesting day !! full marks to the newcomers who braved these extreme conditions and who at the end thanked our coaches for all their prompt assistance and commented on how friendly all our team were !! The only complaints...  where were all the promised shopping trolleys and motorbikes, well ...., buried deep down at the bottom of the river, hiding away from us,well out of sight  and when can we do it again as we didnt actually end up paddling the big daddy monster tunnel !

Certainly lot's of lessons learnt about how even the most innocuous River can turn on it's paddling partners.

and so.... to the final scores ..........

Quote of the day, prior the trip .... "we've done this trip countless times and only ever had one swimmer"